I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
