I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
