We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
