i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
