she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
