I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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