My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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