JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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