clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize