At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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