i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
