Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
