some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
