is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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