Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
