Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
