why didn't you poke me back
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
