When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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