if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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