What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
