i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
