i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
