I just threw up on my dentist
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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