Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
