It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
