wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
