you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize