I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
