Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
