He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
