Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
