her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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