So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's always time for handjobs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
