Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
