we have pet lesbian snakes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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