I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
