I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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