it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
