At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
