escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
