she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
