My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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