I look better un-naked...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
