If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
