So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
