ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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