people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize