break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
