It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
