Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
