That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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