We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
