I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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