I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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