last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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