we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
