Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
