I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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