it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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