Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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