it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
