I want to stick my p in your. b.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
