dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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