youre lurking in front of me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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