I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
