I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
