??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
