When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
