Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
